Very Old Things I Shouldn't Have Said

Lynndie England (An American guard at Abu Gharib prison in Iraq)

She sexually tortured men, beat them, humiliated them, dragged them around on a dog's lead, whipped them, made them masturbate. What, exactly, are they complaining about?


During lunch one day with Slave Gareth we were laughing over something I'd written on my website. He told me he'd read it, laughed, then thought "You can't say that".

Oh, but I did.

19 July 2004.

As you can see below, my partner has been in the wars lately but it doesn't stop some amusing incidents. I had started a judicial punishment with an old friend and I had sentenced him to 10 strokes with the anus whip and a gross (144 strokes) with the cane. When I do a judicial caning I normally dress in a Gestapo uniform. I hope the politically correct amongst you get annoyed with reading that because I don't like being told what to do. Anyway, during this session, I heard Nick talking to someone; who could that be I wondered? It was the district nurse; a big West Indian woman. Thankfully she didn't turn up 10 minutes earlier otherwise she would have witnessed me overpowering The Grosser and dragging him upstairs to be thrashed. Wow, that would have been embarrassing for her.

13 August 2004

I hear that a Dominatrix in west London has been attacked by three black men who robbed her and nearly murdered her. I don't know who she is but I hope she gets well soon. No doubt the police will arrest them and the courts will make an example of them, such as asking them not to do it again.

I have to say that I've never had any problem with anyone I've met except for a guy called Alan from Waltham Cross who purposely short-changed me. If fact, I'm always delighted to meet those on this scene. Yet the downside is this week, I had 6 people booked in on Monday and Tuesday but only two turned up. What makes people book an appointment then not show up? Why not telephone to cancel? I don't understand it. Surely, good manners would dictate that you telephone but obviously not with the ignorant.

11 September 2004

Ricky, one of my favourite CP devotees, has just put in another appearance. Ricky puts all those lazy slaves who can only say things such as, "I am only here to please the Mistress" to shame. He has devised an entire imaginary world of the British judiciary and he sends me official looking documents purporting to come from prison governors, judges, probation officers, social workers; all detailing his misdeamours. He has a tremendous breadth of his scenario and I admire the amount of work, effort and humour he puts into his visits. The scene ended with Rick being deported back to Turkey, forced into national service and his (imaginary) friend Tarkan writing to tell me he's being abused by the petty officers. He also asked if I could get him a passport and job-seekers' allowance.

Yes, very funny Rick, very funny!

7 October 2004

I know I go on about the need for education and the dire consequences for those who can't produce a grammatical sentence but I'm appalled at the number of people who don't know how to switch on the spell-checker. If you can't spell, turn the checker on. One bright spark sent me two almost identical emails purporting to come from two different names. Unfortunately, he spelt submissive as submassive in both emails. Dunce!

26 November 2004

Well, I'm back off holiday thank heavens and as busy as ever.

Murakawa has invited me to a bondage exhibition he's doing at Coco La Mer in Monmouth Street. This exhibition starts at 6.00 on 2 December if anyone fancies going along. I don't know if there's an entrance fee but I expect there will be.

I have a very busy week next week! Lunch with an old retainer, Michael, and his girlfriend Katie on Tuesday; Christmas shopping and lunch with slave Ian on Wednesday; Coco La Mer's and dinner with slave Ian on Thursday. An invitation from slut boy Gareth to take me to lunch. It's such a hard life.

6 December 2004

Well I turned up for Nawashi Murakawa's bondage exhibition, along with a number of others but there appears to have been a mix-up at Coco La Mer's because they had an operatic society evening on instead. We listened politely. "Excuse me, but when are you going to tie up the woman singing?" We all adjourned to a nearby pub. I understand the bondage exhibition will be sometime next year.

Lunch with Michael and Katie was quite interesting. They're going to get married: the bride's going to wear black (rubber) and the groom is going to be branded. Sounds good to me.

Now we have a lovely long run up to Christmas, my favourite time of the year. Oh I do hope I didn't offend anyone by writing the word Christmas; if I did, GOOD!

Christmas Eve

Christmas? Bah! Humbug! Anyone who fails to enjoy Christmas should read A Christmas Carol to understand what Christmas is all about. I love Christmas. How dare anyone not enjoy it; maybe you'll enjoy 144 of the best instead.

The world becomes surreal:
Again I read in the papers about prisoners suffering sexual torture, humiliation, degradation, being beaten, kicked and kept 24 hours a day in chains and shackles. What are these ungrateful people all complaining about? I just wish I had a place big enough to offer sessions like that!

Complain? I'd give them something to bloody complain about!

24 January

Well the excess of Christmas is over; if I see another mince pie I'll eat it. With cream. I hope everyone enjoyed my Christmas card; if you didn't see it you can still view it on one of the Free Galleries. Look for the picture marked Stumpy.

With all the record tokens and gifts I had over Christmas I've bought loads of 60s music compilations so I'm very much into the 60s at the moment. To commemorate that, every one gets a good old-fashioned 60s-style six of the best. Fab.

I'm not a devotee of television but I've been watching a programme called "He's A Lady". It revolves around 12 men who thought they were entering an all-American male competition. Top prize is $250,000. Unfortunately, when the competition began they were told the real competition was to pass themselves off as women. This is hilarious; brilliant television. They have to be waxed, plucked, given lessons on how to walk, talk, female health, go to all girl parties, go shopping for clothes, how to act as females. It's brilliant. All these guys are quite masculine so to see them dressed in women's clothes primping and preening and almost kissing each other is really funny. The male judge's face is a peach: he can't believe how pretty some of these guys have become.

In The Land of Idiot Boys

Can anyone explain the thinking of the dolt who keeps telephoning me and puts the telephone down after about 20 seconds without saying a word? He's so thick he doesn't withhold his number. He's probably lonely. Someone go around and give him a kicking; say I sent you.

7 March 2005

In line with recent court judgements, all schoolgirl scenarios will now involve the schoolgirl wearing a black dust sheet and men's shoes. Sexy! Oh, and if I say you'll get stoned, it might not mean quite what you think. I wonder how Dommes will do school punishments in 30 years time; if teachers are no longer allowed to discipline in schools with the cane and humiliation how will anyone understand the subtleties in years to come? You'd better get an appointment for a couple of dozen while I'm still doing it.

1 August 2005

I've just bought a lovely black SS uniform jacket with a proper belt that goes over the shoulder - just right for the judicial punishment sessions I enjoy giving. Those on the scene who feel wearing this type of uniform is beyond the pale (and there's a number of mistresses who do) just don't understand that it's not about ideology but POWER. Anyway, I shall strut about in Nazi uniform irrespective of what others think. Miss Spiteful is defiant.

I have allowed slave Ian permission to take me away for a couple of days to Paris during 21 - 23 September so I shan't be taking appointments or answering emails on those days. Lucky me!

Some left-wing lunatic has demanded that school children should not hear the word failure during their lifetime. Good Lord, what is this stupid woman doing? Doesn't she realise that all school children are failures and need to be beaten with tawse and cane? Regularly! And the slipper for that frightful boy from Newcastle. That's my way of teaching. She'll be driving me out of business with idiotic bleating like this.

27 September 2005

Gay Paree! Why is it called gay, I wonder? but what could be more civilised than sitting on the Champs Elysee drinking coffee and watching the world go by? Paris is such a lovely, romantic city.

Slave Ian invited me to spend some time with him at his Parisian flat on the Avenue Monceau, which turned out to be located in the Radisson Hotel. Lovely, very expensive but lovely. I've found Parisians rather unhelpful when I've been there in the past but they've mellowed I think. Maybe it's because this time I didn't mention the 200th anniversary of Trafalgar.

Everything went well until we came back through customs, "Excusez-moi; il y a un problème". Unfortunately, slave Ian's silicon tits showed up as plastic explosive in his case. After rifling through his ladies underwear and slave Ian offering to dress up for the gentlemen, thankfully they let us come back to England. It's easier to get into Britain as an illegal immigrant.

16 December 2005

Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat and so, too, is Miss Spiteful. Looking at the videos I've made over the past couple of years I notice how my weight has gone up, especially in the last year. Oh well, let's have another mince pie.

I can't wait for Christmas because I enjoy it so much; I really don't understand people who don't. You don't enjoy Christmas? Let me give you six of the best with the anus whip and see if you enjoy that.

My friend Nawashi has a new website; and he's left here now. He was living in our loft for most of the summer but now he's moved back to Walthamstow and is busy turning his new place into a Japanese temple or something.

Nick and I have a house full of friends this year so this might be the last update before the New Year.

Hamlet is going to invite me to lunch next week, which is nice of him; isn't it, Hamlet?

5 January 2006

Well that's that over. Quilp is really pleased he doesn't have to be tortured whilst singing Christmas Carols for another year. Now I have to start the diet. I hope you all enjoyed my Christmas Cards that I had specially printed on Quilp's belly.

Now, who's first for a good 132 of the best?

11 January 2006

What a busy week; anyone would think domination was going out of fashion. One of my visitors this week was Mark, with whom I made a video. This is a really hard whipping video and will be available to members in the members' area soon. Mark thought my sjamboek was really severe. This session was more informal than my normal judicial punishments but at least I gave my arm a good work out after all the food and drink over Christmas. Hmmm, maybe instead of going to the gym, I might try caning everyone instead.

1 February 2006

A friend of mine, Seb Cox, has sent me a new toy, called the Pantra, which gives an anal orgasm and a heightened orgasm in general. You can view the toy at www.prantra.co.uk; it's a prostrate stimulator and it looks very interesting. I've used one on Jellybean Jeff and it got his seal of approval - all over the bloody floor. If you want to buy one for yourself, please contact Prantra direct.

The mention of Jellybean Jeff probably tells you that there's going to be a new competition coming shortly. The first prize is a caning session; it's not a free session because you'll be told to pay for it but it will be a caning session and the lucky winner will suffer.

18 February 2006

What can I say about the American and British soldiers who were photographed torturing and kicking prisoners under their control? Great stuff; I've picked up some really great new ideas for interrogation and torture sessions; thanks lads.

I'm sure everyone will look forward to entering the new Jellybean Jeff competition. Anyone who's watched Jeff in action, especially in the members' galleries, will be impressed with Jeff's natural talent to disgust.

Sainsbury's vs The Co-op.

I'm always on the look-out for new household items and today I bought a set of wooden spoons for the kitchen from Sainsbury's. They're rather disappointing I'm afraid to say because the handles are very spindly. The Co-op used to sell very solid, thick wooden spoons, very robust; I think the Sainsbury's spoons will break the minute I put them across someone's bottom.

Self Censorship

A disturbing email from Mike who runs the London Mistress' website about "adult sites". You'd better get a good look at this site now because I'm going to have to remove some of the more "interesting" pictures soon.

11 March 2006

One of the great things about this "job" is meeting very pleasant and agreeable new people all of the time. That's why it's always interesting, shall I say, to meet the exception who proves the rule. I recently, against my better judgment, allowed a pompous Colonel Blimp character to visit; I think he called me a blithering idiot for being so damned far out in the back of beyond, what! Fitz, if you read this, you are the rudest man I've come across on this scene. What a character he was.

The same day, I did a double session with Mistress Leona on Quilp. Boy, can he scream! Even with a ball gag in his mouth he whinnies like a stuck pig. I should be able to put that video up soon.

Lunch with Seb Cox who gave me one of his pantras, a new anal toy to try out. I used it on Maid Joni who cried it was, "ssoooooooo niceeeeeeeeeeeeee". Her voice trailled off at that point. MJ claimed it felt like she was coming for 5 minutes, what on earth would that feel like, I wonder?

One last thing, spare a thought for an old friend, Derek, who used to visit me. I say used to because Derek suffers from Parkinson's Disease. Derek travelled here every month from the Kent coast. His journey was broken by engineering works at Strood and he had to struggle off the train, onto a bus then back onto the train again. Then he had to repeat the journey going home. He distintegrated over the years he came here and now he lives in Whitstable hospital waiting to die. He never managed to make his "one last visit" he wanted. So when I hear "I'm in the back of beyond" it makes me somewhat annoyed.

1 April 2006

Roll on May when I'm off to Florence on holiday; I love this place, I love the food and I love the wine.

6 April 2006

Mistress Heather, who runs the Fetish Fair, has written to me to tell me she's got a new venue for the Fetish Fair. These are great events because you can mix with others in a non-threatening atmosphere and also pick up a couple of new toys as well. You don't have to go in fetish wear, you can just turn up and enjoy yourself. If you're interested and fancy attending, the venue is at: The Prodigal, Love Lane, in the City of London on 9 April. You can check out the stall-holders at The Fetish Fair.

7 May 2006

Andiamo a Firenze. We are going to Florence. Oh yes!! For a whole week I am going to be in Florence for a holiday. Can it get any better than that?

Some of you schoolboys and girls who visit me and this website might be interested in a story in today's papers. A new website called Evil Detentions has been set up which details all the horrible detentions that teachers have thought up to give out now that six of the best is unfortunately banned in schools. Some are quite funny. Apparently, the site owners are asking for suggestions but they must not be obscene, illegal or depraved, which bars me on all three counts to participate. The authors are teachers and the site is aimed at teachers and educators but I bet a lot of Mistresses will be dipping into the site for ideas. You can tell its written by a teacher because of the appalling errors in spelling and grammar on the home page. I kid you not.

If you want to visit the site you need to go to Evil Detentions, click What's New and follow the links to Evil Detentions.

Ciao.

29 May 2006

I'm back. I made it to Florence and managed to get all my contraband through Customs, although Customs were probably far too busy stopping all the illegal immigrants at the gates of England to worry about me. After Florence, I'm off to Tenby - there's glamour for you, and I shall be away between 17 - 24 June inclusive. Which is a bit of a shame because two people wanted to visit that week.

The World Becomes Surreal

Before I left for Florence, I noticed in the press, some drug-crazed lunatic employed by yet another Government-funded (ie taxpayer-funded) Marxist organisation demanding we apologise for slavery. What? Apologise for slavery? Whatever next? Repeal the birch? Ban discipline in schools? Well they're going to be pretty hard-pressed to get me to apologise for slavery. Apologise? Slaves should be apologising to me for whatever it is they should apologise for.

Back to normality now; last week I visited Mistress Leona who gave me a brand new smoked, baby Dragon. This, in case you think I'm a drug-crazed lunatic, is a very whippy, thin Dragon cane. I don't know why it's called smoked apart from the fact it's darker than a normal cane and it's a baby because it was picked as a young reed. Does it hurt, though? Oh yes, it hurts. I tried it on hapless slave Blake and it raised some really lovely looking welts across his bottom. No, I didn't apologise to him either.

Over the past couple of months my PC has been the victim of hacking attempts and low-level Trojans. I've always enjoyed using a computer but this constant scanning of the computer has turned a pleasure into an unwelcome chore. A man who, reportedly, gave up his job to become a full-time hacker is facing extradition to the US and the threat of a 60-year jail sentence. 60 years? He should visit me; he'll think he got off lightly with only 60 years.

16 June 2006

I'm off! Again! This time to glamorous Tenby, second home of the rich and famous. No, I made that bit up but I am going on holiday next week so emails and telephone calls won't be answered. Slave Ian has promised to give me the final draft of his new series, The Godmother; the third serial in his Dominafurher series before I go so I can read it on holiday.

26 June 2006

The World Becomes Surreal pt 2

No sooner have I demanded that slaves should apologize to us for their past behaviour and wrong-doing when Lo! A noble savage appears in the daily papers bound in chains, on his knees begging for forgiveness. Personally, I would have had him naked with a black plug inserted but slave Andrew Hawkins made a fine example of abject humiliation in front of the assembled throng. Now what irrational demands can I extract from my own slaves? Slave Ian has already apologized to me for the bad weather I suffered on holiday.

12 July 2006

After being told I must apologize to my slaves for mistreating them, an imbecile called Dave now wants me to love teenage thugs and hooligans; hopefully he didn't mean in a carnal sense. Now, you might be very surprised to learn that I, too, am very liberal-minded when it comes to dealing with teenage delinquents, teddy-boys and the like. I believe wholeheartedly in a liberal use of the cane, slipper and tawse. What's needed is a good, hard caning of 90 strokes; that'll improve morale and behaviour. Oh, I feel your pain all right, but not as much as you will.

Poor Rob from New Zealand. We've written to each other for a couple of years and on his recent trip to England he tried twice to book appointments when he was left to his own devices - and I was unable to see him on either occasion. Oh well, it could be worse, he could be on the other side of the world.

And, at last, the football's over; it's all been a bit of a blur for me, I'm afraid. Did England win?If you're a member contact pjmaka@verotel.com direct and ask him for an explanation, and your money back.

21 August 2006

Oh happy day! Would you believe that at long last I am going to serve on the jury at the local crown court (Belmarsh prison). Now I can get to judge someone properly and find them guilty as charged. I've already written to the Lord High Chief Justice to offer my services for punishing the miscreant after I've found him guilty; as I'm sure he is. And please, spare me the lilly-livered liberal nonsense of innocent until proven guilty; why would he be called the accused if he's innocent? Belmarsh Prison holds some of Britain's worst criminals, outside of the Government, including hook-handed Hamza, the nation's favourite shiekh.

No doubt the crime detection rate will go up in the Greenwich area as many miscreants turn themselves in to the police in the hope of a free caning off me.

29 August 2006

I receive a disturbing email from slave Ian, entitled, "A few no-noes for Belmarsh" regarding my forthcoming jury summons. He points out that the following no longer apply

The Death Penalty
The Pillory
Public Whipping
Branding
Transportation
Military or Naval Duty
Forfeiture of Lands and Goods

And apparently only the judge gets to pass sentence, which can only be a fine or imprisonment. How boring, still at least I'm open to bribery if anyone wants to buy my vote.

9 September 2006

At last, I have prodded slave Ian to write his new Dominafuhrer serial, The Godmother. This is set in 1956 and if you haven't read the full series, Miss Spiteful's War, Miss Spiteful's Gold and now The Godmother, the stories follow the lives of 6 Dommes in the 1940s and 1950s. Slave Ian writes about this period because he remembers it all very well, just like yesterday, he tells me.

However, I am in two minds whether to publish these stories because, I must warn you, they contain references to smoking cigarettes. Not cannabis, which is harmless according to the Home Office, but tobacco. Everyone knows this is about the worst possible thing you can do in Britain today, apart from being white and Christian, so I agree with that advertisement that we should Stub It Out. For my part, I stub them out on someone's testicles.

8 October 2006

Well I survived Antwerp although Customs and Excise took a great deal of interest in my case going out from England, so I can only assume they wanted to look at my collection of vibrators I always take with me when away from home. Maybe there weren't any illegal immigrants sneaking into the country at that moment so they were at a bit of a loose end. Piss-boy Gareth advised me to take slave Ian to a club, which turned out to a notorious gay-bar where Ian would have been buggered senseless; I made him take me to a restaurant instead and buggered his bank balance.

Speaking of Slave Ian, reminds that I have uploaded more episodes of his new serial, The Godmother.

18 October 2006

Jury Service

This jury service is a brilliant laugh. You have to think of it as taking part in a low-life TV reality game show, "I'm Prison Scum, Get Me Outta Here". The defendants have to say absolutely anything to avoid the booby prize of a spell in prison but they have to say it with a straight face or they win the "Contempt of Court" prize.

The defence and prosecution deride, speak and act with incredulity at any witness from the other side as though it were a weasel politician giving evidence whilst treating their own team with a due deference normally reserved for the crazed rantings of a mad mullah demanding the beheading of Christians in Trafalgar Square.

They only need to boo and hiss and it's a pantomime.

The courtroom is great, just like being at home, really: men in wigs and gowns, men in uniforms, ritual humiliation of the accused and "school-boy Simon"; I had no idea he was a judge in real life.

Unfortunately, the other 11 good and true citizens are a mixture of idealistic youth, wet liberals or burger-eating lack-wits who "fink the Bill is lying coz I fink it was dem wot dun it" so I haven't had the enjoyment of seeing someone being sentenced to a damned good thrashing, yet

8 November 2006

I've been discharged from jury service and I never had the chance to watch someone being taken down and beaten for their misdemeanours; not even a poor old pensioner who couldn't pay their Council Tax. The British Judicial system is so unfair.

Therefore, I've decided that if any solicitor, lawyer, barrister or judge visits me, I'll give them a really hard 12 strokes of the cane for no extra cost. How kind I am. Talking of cost, read the next bit.

Price Increase

I am going to put the fee up after the New Year by £20. This increase is to combat the effects of global warming and will help save the environment, the planet and endangered species. I know it's unbelieveable but I understand this is what everyone says before charging more for the same service.

Anyway, I've been charging the same since 2002 and that's long before anyone thought of using this global warming wheeze.

What else is new? More Dominafuhrer stories. Read them! Or else. Or else I'll send slave Ian around to read them to you.

1 December 2006

What excellent news about slavery. Our glorious PM has finally apologized for slavery and although it's difficult to believe a word the man says, I accept his apology. The standard of slave one gets these days leaves much to be desired so I hope that slaves take heed and buck up their ideas.

Also, I see they're about to teach schoolchildren about slavery in school. From the school room straight into domestic servitude for all those deemed worthy of serving a Mistress and the beauty of it is I won't have to train them to do anything as they'll have learnt how to be a slave at school. Now if only they'd bring back discipline.

Christmas Eve

Roll on Christmas, I can't wait to see all the presents I'm going to receive off everyone; or else.

I want to wish everyone who visited me last year, or wanted to visit, and those who visited this website, a very Happy Christmas. I've received a lot of emails from people across the Colonies and Dominions: Rob in NZ, Sam in Oz, Glen in SA; Rick in Canada (or Kanader as he wrote; you'll get an extra six for that, Rick) and Lex in Texas. Yes, we'll get that back one day.

Happy Christmas, everyone, everywhere, even those who believe Christmas is offensive.



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